I am not sure if this bothers you as it does me. May be you haven't noticed it happening, may be you have but haven't given it any thought, maybe it just doesn't bother you, but it happens all the time.
I am talking about how people who are deep in conversation with someone at a reception or party just don't acknowledge the presence of a server standing beside them holding out a tray of food or drink for them to help themselves. Could it be they don't realize that the tray is being offered to them? Maybe at first, but not when the server has been standing there a whole 20 seconds or more. Could it be that they do not want their train of thought to be interrupted when they are having a serious or important conversation with someone? Again maybe, but frankly how long does it take to say "No, thank you" or make a gesture, any gesture of the hand or a shake of the head that indicates you don't want what is being offered. For God's sake this person is a human being, who is trying to be unobtrusive while doing his/her job, who is standing there silently, waiting for you to acknowledge his/her presence so you will help yourself from the tray being held in front of you, and who is probably afraid of being admonished by you or by a superior if it looks like he/she rushed away.
There are smart servers who move away quietly when they realise the guest does not want any food or drink but is not going to say so, there are those who are bold and draw attention to themselves so the guest cannot ignore them, and then there are those who are so deferential they will stand there and be ignored and yet not move away or say something to attract your attention. I saw this happen in my own home the other day and because I was near enough I quietly called out to this extremely polite, efficient and soft spoken member of my household staff and gestured to him to move on to the next person in the group. I am not sure how he felt as he stood there apparently invisible to the two people beside whom he was standing, and who were deep in conversation with each other, but I felt humiliated and demeaned on his behalf and could not stop myself from intervening as discreetly as I could to help him keep his dignity.
Am I making a big thing out of nothing? I don't think so. Notwithstanding that the tribe of servers and waiters themselves must become immune to such experiences and carry on doing their job, telling themselves not to think too much about them, this is human dignity and self respect and pride we are talking about, and I must confess that in my book this kind of a dismissive, disrespectful and demeaning demeanor becomes the mark of the man or woman who exhibits it, no matter how wealthy, influential and intellectually superior he or she may be!
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I am talking about how people who are deep in conversation with someone at a reception or party just don't acknowledge the presence of a server standing beside them holding out a tray of food or drink for them to help themselves. Could it be they don't realize that the tray is being offered to them? Maybe at first, but not when the server has been standing there a whole 20 seconds or more. Could it be that they do not want their train of thought to be interrupted when they are having a serious or important conversation with someone? Again maybe, but frankly how long does it take to say "No, thank you" or make a gesture, any gesture of the hand or a shake of the head that indicates you don't want what is being offered. For God's sake this person is a human being, who is trying to be unobtrusive while doing his/her job, who is standing there silently, waiting for you to acknowledge his/her presence so you will help yourself from the tray being held in front of you, and who is probably afraid of being admonished by you or by a superior if it looks like he/she rushed away.
There are smart servers who move away quietly when they realise the guest does not want any food or drink but is not going to say so, there are those who are bold and draw attention to themselves so the guest cannot ignore them, and then there are those who are so deferential they will stand there and be ignored and yet not move away or say something to attract your attention. I saw this happen in my own home the other day and because I was near enough I quietly called out to this extremely polite, efficient and soft spoken member of my household staff and gestured to him to move on to the next person in the group. I am not sure how he felt as he stood there apparently invisible to the two people beside whom he was standing, and who were deep in conversation with each other, but I felt humiliated and demeaned on his behalf and could not stop myself from intervening as discreetly as I could to help him keep his dignity.
Am I making a big thing out of nothing? I don't think so. Notwithstanding that the tribe of servers and waiters themselves must become immune to such experiences and carry on doing their job, telling themselves not to think too much about them, this is human dignity and self respect and pride we are talking about, and I must confess that in my book this kind of a dismissive, disrespectful and demeaning demeanor becomes the mark of the man or woman who exhibits it, no matter how wealthy, influential and intellectually superior he or she may be!
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