Mother's Day Musings
I sat within easy reach of my phone all day long that day, only to be deeply disappointed ....my two boys had forgotten to call me.....how could they....was it even possible to forget Mother's Day in the US, where all around you that is all you see for several weeks in the run up to the second Sunday in May.....Mother's Day sales, sales, sales and more sales .....well they had forgotten and that was it.....swallow it and move on I told myself ....
My husband and I went out to dinner with friends, the hurt of not being remembered by my sons even on Mother's Day still uppermost in my mind. At 11.30 pm I went online after getting back home, and almost instantly there was the 'ping' of an an imcoming skype call ....
"Hi mom, Happy Mother's Day from both of us", my older son typed....
"Hmmmmm......thanks.......you almost forgot didn't you......." I said, secretly elated but still a little grudging and hurt...."Mother's Day is almost over in India you know."
"No mom, we didn't forget, we just woke up" , he typed. It was Sunday afternoon in the US and they had woken up after noon as usual! That much was entirely believable and made me feel a little better.
A week later Vikram my younger one came home for the summer. We got talking and I ribbed him about how he and his brother would have been in deep trouble had they not managed to squeeze in their Mother's Day wishes to me just before the day was out. To which Vikram surprised me by saying "Mom when was Mother's Day?" "Don't you remember it was last Sunday? Don't you remember you and your brother wishing me late at night just before midnight?" Turns out his older brother had included him in his wishes to me as he himself lay asleep, blissfully unaware of this very important day! In his own defence Vikram said, "Come on Mum, don't you think it's stupid to remember to wish you happiness on just this one day of the year?" "Hmmmm....interesting thought" I said quite touched and left it at that...
Equally touching to my mind was my other son's lie about his younger sibling joining him in sending me Mother's Day wishes. It was just about the most beautiful white lie in the world ......he understood just how much it meant to me to be wished by both my kids on this day...that understanding and the desire to avoid causing me hurt was worth a million Mother's Day wishes... I swore to myself then that I would never again be stupid enough to peg my kids' love and thoughtfulness to the ridiculous ritual of wishing me Happy Mother's Day!
And to think that our kids never asked to be born....why impose on them and expect them to express how thankful they are that we gave birth to them by wishing us and showering us with presents on Mother's Day?
Instead, if we women shower each other with Mother's Day greetings (which we do), that is exactly as it should be....it seems the perfect thing to do to celebrate the great privilege we have of bearing children and of enjoying the joys of motherhood!
Sadly, to completely convince me about the unnecessariness of this day, it so happened that the very next day after Mother's Day this year, I paid a heartbreaking, gut wrenching condolence visit to a couple who had lost a 23 year old son in a road accident just days before Mother's Day. And then recently I received the completely shattering news that a colleague had suddenly and unexpectedly lost a 41 year old son to a massive stroke.
Both mothers never got to meet their sons as they lay dying. Both mothers will never receive Mother's Day calls and visits and presents from their sons ever again. Would these mothers care if their sons miraculously came back to life but never ever remembered to wish them on Mother's Day? We all know the answer to that one, don't we?
"
I sat within easy reach of my phone all day long that day, only to be deeply disappointed ....my two boys had forgotten to call me.....how could they....was it even possible to forget Mother's Day in the US, where all around you that is all you see for several weeks in the run up to the second Sunday in May.....Mother's Day sales, sales, sales and more sales .....well they had forgotten and that was it.....swallow it and move on I told myself ....
My husband and I went out to dinner with friends, the hurt of not being remembered by my sons even on Mother's Day still uppermost in my mind. At 11.30 pm I went online after getting back home, and almost instantly there was the 'ping' of an an imcoming skype call ....
"Hi mom, Happy Mother's Day from both of us", my older son typed....
"Hmmmmm......thanks.......you almost forgot didn't you......." I said, secretly elated but still a little grudging and hurt...."Mother's Day is almost over in India you know."
"No mom, we didn't forget, we just woke up" , he typed. It was Sunday afternoon in the US and they had woken up after noon as usual! That much was entirely believable and made me feel a little better.
A week later Vikram my younger one came home for the summer. We got talking and I ribbed him about how he and his brother would have been in deep trouble had they not managed to squeeze in their Mother's Day wishes to me just before the day was out. To which Vikram surprised me by saying "Mom when was Mother's Day?" "Don't you remember it was last Sunday? Don't you remember you and your brother wishing me late at night just before midnight?" Turns out his older brother had included him in his wishes to me as he himself lay asleep, blissfully unaware of this very important day! In his own defence Vikram said, "Come on Mum, don't you think it's stupid to remember to wish you happiness on just this one day of the year?" "Hmmmm....interesting thought" I said quite touched and left it at that...
Equally touching to my mind was my other son's lie about his younger sibling joining him in sending me Mother's Day wishes. It was just about the most beautiful white lie in the world ......he understood just how much it meant to me to be wished by both my kids on this day...that understanding and the desire to avoid causing me hurt was worth a million Mother's Day wishes... I swore to myself then that I would never again be stupid enough to peg my kids' love and thoughtfulness to the ridiculous ritual of wishing me Happy Mother's Day!
And to think that our kids never asked to be born....why impose on them and expect them to express how thankful they are that we gave birth to them by wishing us and showering us with presents on Mother's Day?
Instead, if we women shower each other with Mother's Day greetings (which we do), that is exactly as it should be....it seems the perfect thing to do to celebrate the great privilege we have of bearing children and of enjoying the joys of motherhood!
Sadly, to completely convince me about the unnecessariness of this day, it so happened that the very next day after Mother's Day this year, I paid a heartbreaking, gut wrenching condolence visit to a couple who had lost a 23 year old son in a road accident just days before Mother's Day. And then recently I received the completely shattering news that a colleague had suddenly and unexpectedly lost a 41 year old son to a massive stroke.
Both mothers never got to meet their sons as they lay dying. Both mothers will never receive Mother's Day calls and visits and presents from their sons ever again. Would these mothers care if their sons miraculously came back to life but never ever remembered to wish them on Mother's Day? We all know the answer to that one, don't we?
"
