Ever flown with a budget airline in India? Ever been hungry and willing to pay crazy amounts for crappy food on board a flight? Ever gone hungry (or thirsty) for one of the following reasons on board a flight: no vegetarian meal available/no non-vegetarian meal available/no more food (or drink) available?
If your answer to any of the above is a yes then read on for ideas on how to react to this shameless and brazen abdication of all responsibility and accountability on the part of several budget airlines towards paying customers!
Idea 1: Icy politeness.
Situation:
The stewardess asks her practised "What would you like to eat Sir?"
You reply, "What do you have?"
She says (shamelessly), "Cheese sandwich".
You say (icily), "Then I don't really have a choice, do I, my dear?"
She says (very shamelessly), "No sir."
End result: You eat a lousy cheese sandwich.
Idea 2: Play the religion card.
Situation:
Stewardess - Would you like a cheese or vegetable puff Sir?
You - No I want a chicken puff. It's on your menu.
Stewardess - Sir we are out of chicken puffs. We only have the vegetarian puffs. Can I get you one?
You - No it is against my religion to eat vegetables and cheese. I must have a chicken puff.
Stewardess (stumped) - Oh!
End result: You get your chicken puff and eat it piously as you wonder how the stewardess produced it........reached out of the window and plucked it out of a puffy fluffy cloud maybe!
Idea 3: Depend on a good Samaritan!
Situation:
Myself (knowing from the dialogues between the stewardess and the passengers before me that what I want to eat is not available, and resigned to the situation): I'd like a cup of tea please. How much is that? (fishing around in my handbag for money to pay)
Stewardess (believe it or nuts): I'm sorry Ma'am, we don't have any tea bags.
Myself: WHAT? I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. ARE YOU KIDDING OR WHAT?
Veteran Passenger from two rows in front of me (sympathetically): Here Ma'am use this three -in- one tea bag. Just ask for a cup of hot water.
End result: I make myself some much needed tea in about half a cup of lukewarm water which is brought to me extremely grudgingly, but placed on my tray table with a flourish and a hoity toity, " Here you are Ma'am. Enjoy".
Idea 4: Shame the shameless! (maybe this one's only for bold women passengers).
Situation:
Stewardess - What can I get you to eat Ma'am?
My girlfriend - A chicken kathi roll please.
Stewardess - I only have a paneer kathi roll Ma'am.
My girlfriend (sullenly) - Ok, I'll have to take it then won't I?
My girlfriend eats her rock-hard paneer kathi roll, then takes a walk to the lavatory which is at the pantry end of the fuselage. As she waits for the lavatory to become vacant she spots the entire cabin crew chomping on kathi rolls. She makes idle conversation with them until a chunk of succulently tender chicken falls onto the floor from one of the culprit rolls. Her mouth falls open for a moment before sheer and loud indignation takes over. "You said there were no chicken kathi rolls!" she shouts accusingly at the lying stewardess whose mouth has fallen open and remained open through this entire surreal episode!
End result: My girlfriend is applauded by the rest of the passengers as she walks back to her seat.
Idea 5: Drop names.
Situation:
Hungry, starving, but very polished looking passenger ( who's just been told there is no more food available) on a Kingfisher flight for instance: Hmmm.........(scratching his distinguished beard) ......must talk to Vijay about this when I meet him next week...........
End result: Not known but certainly worth a try!
If your answer to any of the above is a yes then read on for ideas on how to react to this shameless and brazen abdication of all responsibility and accountability on the part of several budget airlines towards paying customers!
Idea 1: Icy politeness.
Situation:
The stewardess asks her practised "What would you like to eat Sir?"
You reply, "What do you have?"
She says (shamelessly), "Cheese sandwich".
You say (icily), "Then I don't really have a choice, do I, my dear?"
She says (very shamelessly), "No sir."
End result: You eat a lousy cheese sandwich.
Idea 2: Play the religion card.
Situation:
Stewardess - Would you like a cheese or vegetable puff Sir?
You - No I want a chicken puff. It's on your menu.
Stewardess - Sir we are out of chicken puffs. We only have the vegetarian puffs. Can I get you one?
You - No it is against my religion to eat vegetables and cheese. I must have a chicken puff.
Stewardess (stumped) - Oh!
End result: You get your chicken puff and eat it piously as you wonder how the stewardess produced it........reached out of the window and plucked it out of a puffy fluffy cloud maybe!
Idea 3: Depend on a good Samaritan!
Situation:
Myself (knowing from the dialogues between the stewardess and the passengers before me that what I want to eat is not available, and resigned to the situation): I'd like a cup of tea please. How much is that? (fishing around in my handbag for money to pay)
Stewardess (believe it or nuts): I'm sorry Ma'am, we don't have any tea bags.
Myself: WHAT? I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. ARE YOU KIDDING OR WHAT?
Veteran Passenger from two rows in front of me (sympathetically): Here Ma'am use this three -in- one tea bag. Just ask for a cup of hot water.
End result: I make myself some much needed tea in about half a cup of lukewarm water which is brought to me extremely grudgingly, but placed on my tray table with a flourish and a hoity toity, " Here you are Ma'am. Enjoy".
Idea 4: Shame the shameless! (maybe this one's only for bold women passengers).
Situation:
Stewardess - What can I get you to eat Ma'am?
My girlfriend - A chicken kathi roll please.
Stewardess - I only have a paneer kathi roll Ma'am.
My girlfriend (sullenly) - Ok, I'll have to take it then won't I?
My girlfriend eats her rock-hard paneer kathi roll, then takes a walk to the lavatory which is at the pantry end of the fuselage. As she waits for the lavatory to become vacant she spots the entire cabin crew chomping on kathi rolls. She makes idle conversation with them until a chunk of succulently tender chicken falls onto the floor from one of the culprit rolls. Her mouth falls open for a moment before sheer and loud indignation takes over. "You said there were no chicken kathi rolls!" she shouts accusingly at the lying stewardess whose mouth has fallen open and remained open through this entire surreal episode!
End result: My girlfriend is applauded by the rest of the passengers as she walks back to her seat.
Idea 5: Drop names.
Situation:
Hungry, starving, but very polished looking passenger ( who's just been told there is no more food available) on a Kingfisher flight for instance: Hmmm.........(scratching his distinguished beard) ......must talk to Vijay about this when I meet him next week...........
End result: Not known but certainly worth a try!
